Jokes

Victoria's Joke

Not My Job

There were four friends named:

Everybody

Somebody

Anybody

Nobody

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about it because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought that Anybody would do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Tse Zhom's Riddle

I have 12 legs, 12 arms and 8 heads. What am I?

Ying Ying's Riddle

Poison

A man was injected with a deadly poison. It did not kill him. Why?

Elena's Joke

There were two friends.

One said, "I am in big trouble."

The other friend asked, "Why is that?"

"I saw a mouse in my house."

"Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap to catch the mouse."

"I don't have a trap."

"Well, then buy one."

"I can't afford one."

"I can lend you mine if you want."

"That sounds good."

"All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap."

"I don't have any cheese."

"OK, then take a piece of bread and put some oil on it and put it in the trap."

"I don't have any oil in my house."

"Well, then put only a small piece of bread in the trap."

"I don't even have a small piece of bread in my house."

"Then what is a mouse doing in your house!!!!"

Mei Mei's Joke

Once there was a selfish man. He always said, "If you want something, get it yourself. Don't ask me for anything. I never give anyone a hand. Don't ask me for a handout."

One day the man fell into a river. He shouted, "Help! Help! Help!"

His neighbor heard him and rushed down to the river bank. The neighbor shouted, "Stretch your hand out. Give me your hand!"

But the selfish man answered, "No, I have never given anyone a hand."

Those were the selfish man's last words as he disappeared under the water.

Hua's Joke

Borrowing Money

Once there was a businessman who went bankrupt. He became a homeless person. One day he walked to the zoo. He stood in front of the gorilla's cage.

The homeless man stood face to face with the gorilla. The man said, "Could you lend me some money."

The gorilla answered, "Man, I am poorer than you. I don't even have pants to wear!"

Sammi's Joke

The Police Lineup

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.

When the detective asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,"Give me your money or I will shoot you." One man shouted, "That's not what I said! I said 'I'll blow your head off, fool.'"

Ella's Joke

A young student from Japan came to study in the United States. He practiced driving for several weeks before he took the driving test at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

During the test the youg man stopped at an intersection. There was an arrow pointing to the left. The student asked the DMV officer if he should make a left turn.

The DMV officer answered, "Right."

Do you think the young man passed the test.

If you answered, "Yes", you thought "wrong"

Francisco's Riddle

A Riddle

A sphinx (half lion and half eagle) descended on a small village. The sphinx said," If you can solve this riddle, I will let you live. If you don't solve it, I will kill you and eat you."

"What animal in the morning walks on four feet, in the afternoon on two feet and at night walks on three feet. Answer this or you will be eaten."

Peter's Joke

Why so dumb?

A man asked God. "God, why did you make women so beautiful?"

Then God answered. "So you would love her."

The man said, "Oh, God, then why did you make her so dumb."

God said, "So she would love you."

Eladia's Joke

What do young dogs eat at the movie theater?

Pup corn.

What did the dog say when he saw pieces of a fallen tree?

Bark! Bark! Bark!

What is a dog's favorite dessert?

Pup cakes

Ju Fen's Joke

Translating What Women Say

The wife says: You want.

Real meaning: You want.

The wife says: We need.

Real meaning: I want.

The wife says: It's your decision.

Real meaning: The correct decision should be obvious.

The wife says: Do what you want.

Real meaning: You will pay for this later.

The wife says: We need to talk.

Real meaning: I need to complain.

The wife says: Sure… go ahead

Real meaning: I don't want you to …

The wife says: I'm not upset.

Real meaning: Of course I am upset, you moron.

The wife says: You are so manly.

Real meaning: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights.

Real meaning: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient.

Real meaning: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.

Real meaning: … also new carpeting, furniture and wall paper.

The wife says: I heard a noise.

Real meaning: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?

Real meaning: I'm going to ask you for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?

Real meaning: I did something today you're not going to like.

The wife says: Am I fat?

Real meaning: Tell me I am beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.

Real meaning: Just agree with me.